Answering Machine Message for the Mental Health Institute

     Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
     If you are obsessive or compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
     If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
     If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5 and 6
     If you are paranoid, we already know who you are, but stay on
     the line while we trace your call.
     If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
     transferred to the mother ship.
     If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice
     will tell you which number to press.
     If you have short term memory loss, press 9, if you have short
     term memory loss, press 9, if you have short term memory loss,
     press 9.
     If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators
     are too busy to talk to you.